Have you ever been "called out?"
Having just talked about the need for grace and acceptance for building community, we will next talk about the importance of “telling the truth in love” and calling each other on sin.
Can you share a time when you were positively impacted by someone challenging you to grow?
How about a time when it did more harm than good?
I look forward to hearing your thoughts and stories!
Josh
I'm sorry for not answering the question directly as usual but here are my first thoughts on all this.
I think Ephesians 4:15 about speaking the truth in love is taken out of context or usually just misapplied. First of all love in that verse is agape or unconditional love. God's love. We can only be filled with God's love when we are pure ourselves and walking in the Spirit. A lot of times people in the bible would spend time fasting and praying (think sackcloth and ashes) before approaching someone and I think there's a lesson to be learned in that. There have been times when I've seen things people are doing wrong. Then after spending time really praying for them in the Spirit, I've taken on a different perspective, usually a much more positive one. Often God has pointed out the log I'd unknowingly been carrying around in my own eyes while critizing the speck in theirs.
Now to answer the question. I have been so fortunate to have known such Godly people who have spoken truth to me. Not how someone might picture though. People in our church now and in the past have spoken the truth in love to me in the way of encouragement that has caused me to leave behind things like fear, insecurity and unbelief which a lot of times is the root of our sinning. Or at least mine
So many of us put grace and truth on oposite ends of a finite spectrum, causing many to not fully grasp either one. When we marry the two we may better understand the heart of God.
One more thought. A lot of Christians today are considered pharisees because of strict practices and their disinvolvement with the world and its ways. Pharisees in the bible didn't even believe in Jesus. They believed in themselves. Christians that might be considered pharisees have the grace of God and should be extended our grace as well.
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I didn't mean to come across that we need to only say positive things all the time. There's lots of examples of Paul giving critism (I'm thinking of I Corintheans). I have had people call me on specific things and on my attitude when it's not right. My loving husband is good at challenging me and also intimate friends and trusted mentors have put me in check. I'm meaning to emphasize the relationship though. Josh said something about really knowing someone before you can call them on something and I completely agree.
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Great questions, I have had many times in my life when my brothers and or sisters in Christ have called me out on something I needed calling out on. I treasure those people in my life a great deal. If it’s hard to say but it’s said in love and speaks truth, my trust and respect is theirs. I have two women in my life currently who I can count on to be honest with me. They don't tell me what "I want to hear" in a moment when I am angry or overwhelmed even trying to feel justified in my anger or acting out, they lovingly tell me to knock it off. Most of the time I already know what they are going to say but I need to hear it from them. It knocks the feet out from under the enemy and the lies he's trying to sell me. It is like shining a bright light on the situation and that’s always a good thing even if it hurts a little. I need people in my life that are going to help my being honest with me. To encourage me, by believing in me. That’s done by being real and allowing me to be real. Bottom line is- I don't want cheap grace. I want the kind of grace extended to us through Jesus. He loved sinners so much but he never ignored their sin. He addressed it head on in love. He wanted better for them than their sin. He wanted them to be free from it. So, when someone sees me behaving in a way that is sinful or acting out in rebellion I want them to love me so much they won't look the other way.
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Lately God has been speaking to me through the messages at church. I find myself evaluating my own behavior and habits and asking myself if I am doing things to honor God in who he wants me to become or if I am doing things just because I am comparing myself to others to find self-worth. I haven't really liked the answers to that question and am working on change. So God has been challenging me to grow through Josh's messages these past three weeks, but that is more indirect I guess.
A more direct example would be a few years ago when I was challenged in the area of forgiveness. There was a person in my life that had hurt me pretty bad in the past and my hardened heart towards them, rather than just towards what they had done, was interfering in my relationship with God. I had known that forgiveness was hard for me and this one relationship was really troubling me. I spoke to a friend about it and she explained to me that God loves us all the same. He isn't always pleased with our actions, but he loves us anyway. He is the perfect parent that I needed to find in my life to fill a void. I had been involved in church for years and had read most of my Bible and considered myself to be a Christian - I had prayed the prayer and was baptized because that is what was expected of me. It wasn't until I really understood forgiveness and let go of that hatred and accepted God as my perfect parent that I felt the difference in my heart and in my relationship with him. My friend's explanation of forgiveness to me made a big difference in my life. I needed to hear that from her in order to know how to move forward in my relationship with God.
As far as backfiring goes, you might have noticed that in the above example I used the phrase, "because that is what was expected." My whole life has been doing what was expected of me by others and not necessarily because I thought it was what I should be doing in God's plan for my life. I was pushed into a lot of servitude rather than choosing it for myself and it really made me bitter. My mom wanted to push me into a relationship with God by surrounding me with people and experiences to expose me to him. I see that now that I am older. It really didn't work though because I didn't get it and I wasn't ready. Just going through the motions of servitude isn't enough. I don't know if I would have developed a relationship with God earlier in life if she hadn't been pushy about it without letting me choose for myself. It did make me have some definite opinions about what Christianity was though and I saw it as fake actions rather than a relationship with God when I was younger.
So my thought is that it is about presentation as well as timing for giving loving guidance.
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